I’ve been thinking about something I see a lot – self-rejection. It’s when we stop ourselves from trying because we assume the answer will be a no.

For example (Friend #1), a friend of mine wanted to work with another friend of mine. Both of them were really good fit, but my friend never asked the other one to work together on a project. He just assumed the other friend would be way too expensive, or wouldn’t want to team up with him.

He was wrong, as I let both of them know that they can work together, and they did!

Friend #2 wanted to get a promotion and higher pay. But she wasn’t asking the manager for either. In her mind, she convinced herself that even if she asks, she won’t get it.

After a lot of heated discussions, I just texted her manager from her phone about the promotion and pay.

She did not get the promotion, but got a raise of 15%.

Friend #3 wanted to hire sales people. He had let me and bunch of our friends know. Two days later, an old colleague of Friend #3 and mine posted on LinkedIn that she is looking for a new job (she worked in sales).

My friend just assumed she will be out of budget, and didn’t even ask her whether she would like to work together. My friend just self rejected himself.

I think people just assume what they have to offer is not of value, and so they are afraid that they will have to face rejection when they ask for something in return.

To overcome this, you might seek rejection so you learn that rejection isn’t that scary, and when it’s your time to shine, you don’t shy away and self reject.